I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show
for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you
had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came
home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked
your favourite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and
ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game.
Either, you are cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case
is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't! Your BROTHER and I are moving
away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that
you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a
far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out
your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you
cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was
"You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you
can't say anything nice.
When you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with
MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to
sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was
still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that that morning and
your negligee was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I
quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you
were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the
filling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from
me. So take care.
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